In short: This is for anyone who decides to change and slips back after a few days. Nelson Fernandes of Best Of Motivation shares how he quit smoking and stopped drinking by starting small, taking it one day at a time and telling people. At the end, the free SMART Goals Generator helps you turn your small habit into a clear goal.
I’ve lost count of the times my mindset slipped. I’d decide to do something, stick with it for a couple of days, then go back to normal. I think that happens most of the time, to most of us.
Quitting smoking was where it mattered most. Stopping was good for my health and for my pocket, and it made a big difference at the end of the month. There was more to gain than to lose. It still took me a few attempts.
Why does a new mindset slip back?
The gym is my clearest example. I’ve always said I’m going to go, and I’ve tried it for a few months, but it never sticks. I’m not sure why. Time is probably the reason.
Stress is the other one. Looking back, times of stress seem to be when I slipped the most.
Then there are the places tied to the old habit. One of my attempts to stop smoking failed because of parties. It took a while before I could go to a party, have a drink and not smoke.
When you slip and have to start again, the same feeling comes back. That was my example of going back to a bad habit. Getting out of it again takes effort and discipline.
How do you make a mindset change last?
What I’ve learned over time is to start small, then build. This is how I do it.
1. Start with something easy
Jim Rohn talks about it in some of his speeches: start eating an apple a day. It’s easy to do, so why not do it? I love that. Other small things count too: cutting back on junk food and fast food, avoiding soft drinks.
2. Hold it for seven days, then seven more
Keep the apple going for seven days, then try for another seven. If that little habit sticks, it starts training your mind, and you can move up to something a bit bigger. A step at a time, until you get to the bigger, more difficult ones.
3. Take it one day at a time
This is the important bit. Start with one day. One day becomes three, three becomes a full week, and a week becomes two. Time flies, and by the time you reflect, it’s already a month and your mind has settled into the new way.
4. Set a clear goal
Clear goals make it easier to make the change stick. You need something to go for.
5. Tell people, especially at work
Tell the people around you, because they’ll hold you accountable. If you’re giving up coffee for a week or starting to exercise, they’ll ask every time they see you how it’s going, and they’ll remind you of what you said. The people at work are the ones you spend most of the day with, so they’re the best people to share your goal with. They’ll notice when you start slipping.
6. Look at your stress, not just the habit
Once I understood that stress could knock my habits, I started looking into ways to reduce it. That way I could keep my habits going longer, until they became the norm.
This week: pick one small habit, tell one person at work about it, and count it a day at a time until you reach seven.
What changes when a habit finally sticks?
I’ve been smoke-free for a while now. I’ve done the same with alcohol, and I’m five months without a drink. Both stuck because of the little things I started doing day by day.
When habits stick, your morale is high. You want to show that you’ve done it.
This is more personal than a leadership lesson, but I think it reaches work too. When your habits stick, colleagues can start to follow the same path.
So my advice is simple. Small, day by day. Tell people. And do it.
Start small. If you start on the big ones, you’ll more likely fail.
Nelson Fernandes, Best Of Motivation
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take for a mindset change to stick?
Count in days rather than months. Get through one day, then three, then a week, and keep going. A month arrives sooner than you expect.
Why do I keep going back to old habits?
Look at when you slip. If it’s in stressful weeks or in a setting tied to the old habit, work on that as well as the habit itself.
Should I tell people about a habit I’m trying to change?
Yes. People who know your goal will ask how it’s going and remind you of what you said, which makes drifting harder. Colleagues work well because you see them most days.
What small habit should I start with?
Choose something so easy there’s no reason not to do it, like eating an apple a day. Once it holds for a couple of weeks, move to something a little bigger.
Turn your small habit into a clear goal
Write the one habit you’re starting as a clear, specific goal with the SMART Goals Generator. It’s free, with three AI coach reviews a month.
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