Practise this conversation
How to manage a friend who used to be your colleague
The first time you have one shouldn’t be the first time you’ve said the words.
Jay is waiting for you
Before you go in
You and Jay worked side by side for three years, then you got the supervisor job. Now he takes longer breaks, calls you "boss" in front of everyone and jokes when you ask him to do something. The team is watching how you handle it.
Good luck.
Your goal
Clear the air with Jay about the promotion, and agree that the breaks and the boss jokes change, without losing the friendship.
Up to 8 turns, about five minutes, then feedback from our AI coach. Your first go at this conversation is free. After that, one credit a go (packs from £3).
Want the full rehearsal? (Pro, 6 credits for both)
What you’ll practise
- Naming the awkwardness out loud instead of pretending it isn’t there.
- Separating the friendship from the job in plain words, as yourself.
- Asking for one specific change and treating him exactly as you would anyone else.
Your goal
Your free go at this one is used
One credit runs the whole conversation
Each new go costs one credit: a full conversation with Jay and the coach’s feedback. Your free go at the other conversations is still there.
No code? Get BOM Credits, from 10 for £3. Your code comes by email and works across the coach tools. Full refund within 14 days if you haven’t used a credit.
What worked
Where it slipped
Say this instead
One thing to practise
Read next
Show the conversation
Ready for the real one?
Rehearse it with Jay until you’re ready
Practise the conversation until it feels like the second time, not the first, and walk in with your best words.
- Two full rehearsals: up to 20 turns each, out loud or typed
- On the second, a hint from the coach after each reply
- Your own best lines on a card to take in with you
With the Best value pack (50 credits), 6 credits is about £1.45 · $1.90 · €1.70 · A$2.90. After that, one more go with hints is 2 credits. Private: use made-up names, and nothing you say is kept.
What we keep: nothing you typed. Your conversation stays in your browser and goes to our AI coach only to write the next reply and your feedback. Use a made-up name for the person you’re thinking of. The feedback is written by AI from your conversation and is a second pair of eyes, not a verdict on you.
Practice for reflection, not legal or HR advice. If it involves harassment, discrimination, health or safety, talk to HR or ACAS.
The full picture
You and Jay started in the warehouse within a month of each other and spent three years on the same picking shift. Same breaks, same group chat, same moans about the rota. Six weeks ago you got the supervisor job. He went for it too, and he heard you'd got it from someone else before you'd had the chance to tell him.
Since then he's been pushing it. Breaks that run five or ten minutes long. "Alright, boss" every time you walk past, loud enough for the aisle to hear. When you ask him to clear the returns bay he does it, eventually, with a joke about you not getting your hands dirty any more. Nothing you could write up. Everything the rest of the shift notices.
You've asked him for five minutes in the office at the end of the shift. You don't want to lose a mate. You also can't have one rule for Jay and another for the other fourteen people on the shift, and they're watching to see which it is.
Why it's hard
Every option feels like a loss. Say nothing and the team sees a supervisor with a favourite. Come down hard and you lose the friendship and prove the thing he's half joking about, that the job has gone to your head. Most new supervisors swing between the two: they laugh along for a fortnight, then snap in front of everyone. The conversation has to protect both things at once, the friendship outside work and the standard inside it, and it has to happen one to one. There's something underneath as well. He heard about your promotion second-hand, and he hasn't said how that felt. You may need to give him the chance.
82% of people who enter management have had no formal management and leadership training.
Chartered Management Institute with YouGov, Taking Responsibility, October 2023Two-thirds of managers say they're uncomfortable communicating with the people they manage.
Lou Solomon, Harvard Business Review, March 2016 (survey by Interact and Harris Poll)What usually goes wrong, and what you'll practise
What usually goes wrong
- Joking along with him, so the point never lands and the team sees the favourite they expected.
- Switching to a formal voice he's never heard you use, which tells him the mate has gone.
- Saying "people have noticed" or "others have said", so it sounds like you're hiding behind the team.
- Raising it on the floor instead of one to one, which makes it a show for everyone else.
What you'll practise
- Naming the awkwardness out loud instead of pretending it isn't there.
- Separating the friendship from the job in plain words, as yourself.
- Asking for one specific change and treating him exactly as you would anyone else.
Read before you practise
Questions people ask
Do I have to stop being friends with him?
No. You have to be clear about which hat you're wearing. At work you're his supervisor and the rules are the same for him as for anyone. Outside work you're mates. Most friendships survive that if you say it out loud once. The ones that don't were usually about the job all along.
What if he says I've changed?
Agree with the bit that's true. "The job's changed, yes. I haven't." Then come back to the one thing you're asking for. Arguing about whether you've changed is a conversation you can't win and don't need to.
What if half the shift is doing the same thing?
Then it's a team conversation about breaks, not a Jay conversation, and you'd be unfair to single him out. Fix the standard for everyone first. This conversation is for when it's one person testing you.
Credits here are BOM Credits: packs from 10 for £3 to 100 for £20, and one code works across every coach tool on the site. Full refund within 14 days if you haven't used a credit. Anything wrong, email [email protected]. How credits work