How to Be a Better Person: 12 Ways to Grow Your Character (+ AI Exercises)
Being “better” isn’t about perfection — it’s about intention. Here’s how to actually become the person you want to be, one conversation at a time.
📖 12 min read✅ Research-backed🎙️ Voice prompts included
✍️
A note from Nelson
“I used to think being a ‘good person’ was something you either were or weren’t. Turns out, it’s more like a muscle — it needs regular exercise. These days, some of my most honest self-reflection happens in voice conversations with AI. No judgement, no performance. Just me figuring out who I want to become.”
If you’re searching “how to be a better person,” you’re already ahead of most people. The desire to grow your character is the first step — and often the hardest.
But here’s what nobody tells you: self-improvement advice is everywhere, but actual self-reflection is rare. Most of us consume content about being better without ever stopping to honestly examine ourselves.
That’s where this guide is different. Each principle comes with an AI conversation exercise — a way to move from “that’s a nice idea” to “here’s what this actually means for my life.”
📊 What the Research Says
70%
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that 70% of people believe they’re above average in kindness and morality — a statistical impossibility. This “better-than-average effect” means most of us overestimate our goodness.
You can’t become a better person if you don’t honestly know who you are now. Not who you think you are. Not who you wish you were. Who you actually are — including the parts you don’t like.
This is uncomfortable. But it’s the starting point for real change.
1
Foundation
Get Honest Feedback (From AI)
Most people won’t tell you the truth about yourself. They’re polite, protective, or don’t want conflict. AI has no such concerns. Ask it to help you see your blind spots.
📝 Written Prompt
“I want to become a better person but I’m probably blind to some of my flaws. Based on what I tell you about recent situations in my life, help me identify patterns I might not see. Ask me about a recent conflict, a time I was frustrated, and how I treat people when I’m stressed. Be honest with me.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
In a private moment, say:
“I need a reality check. I’m going to tell you about something that happened recently where I got annoyed or frustrated. Help me see if I was being fair — or if there’s something about myself I’m not seeing.”
💬“The first time I did this, the AI pointed out that I kept framing everything as other people’s problems. Ouch. But also… accurate.”
2
Foundation
Define What “Better” Actually Means to You
“Being a better person” is vague. Better at what? Kinder? More patient? More honest? More present? Get specific about the person you actually want to become.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me define what ‘being a better person’ specifically means for me. Ask me: Who do I admire and why? What qualities do I wish I had more of? When do I feel most proud of how I acted? When do I feel ashamed? Help me distill this into 3 specific character traits I want to develop.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
On a walk or drive, say:
“I want to be a better person, but I haven’t really defined what that means. Can you help me figure out specifically what kind of person I want to become? Ask me questions about what I value and where I fall short.”
💬“Mine came out as: more patient with my kids, more generous with my time, and more honest even when it’s awkward. That specificity changed everything.”
💡 The Gap Between Intention and Action
Most people believe they’re kind, honest, and fair — until they’re tired, stressed, or inconvenienced. Character isn’t who you are at your best. It’s who you are when things are hard. AI exercises help you practice that honesty when there’s no social pressure to perform.
🤝 How You Treat Others
3
Relationships
Listen More Than You Speak
Most people listen just enough to respond. Truly good listeners make others feel heard, valued, and understood. This is rarer — and more powerful — than you think.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me become a better listener. Ask me to describe a recent conversation where someone was sharing something with me. Then help me identify: Did I actually listen or was I waiting to respond? Did I make it about them or redirect to myself? What could I have asked instead of what I said?”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
After a conversation with someone, say:
“I just had a conversation with [person]. Help me reflect on how I listened. I’ll describe what they said and what I said back. Tell me honestly if I was being a good listener or if I made it about myself.”
💬“AI pointed out that my ‘me too!’ stories weren’t connecting — they were competing. Now I try to ask a follow-up question before sharing my own experience.”
4
Relationships
Give Without Keeping Score
Transactional kindness isn’t really kindness. True generosity means giving your time, attention, or help without expecting anything back — not even gratitude.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me examine my generosity. Ask me about recent times I helped someone. For each one, help me honestly answer: Was I keeping score? Did I expect something in return? Was I doing it partly for recognition? What would it look like to give more freely?”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
During reflection time, say:
“I want to be more genuinely generous. Ask me about how I give my time and help to others. Help me notice if I’m keeping score or expecting something back — even just recognition.”
💬“Realised I was mentally tracking who owed me favours. That’s not generosity — that’s a ledger. Working on letting go of that.”
A real apology has three parts: acknowledging what you did, understanding its impact, and committing to change. Most “apologies” skip at least two of these.
📝 Written Prompt
“I need to apologise to someone but I want to do it properly. The situation is [describe]. Help me craft an apology that: 1) Takes full responsibility without excuses, 2) Shows I understand why it hurt them, 3) Explains what I’ll do differently. Check if my draft sounds defensive anywhere.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
Before a difficult conversation, say:
“I need to apologise to someone and I want to get it right. Let me practice with you. I’ll say what I’m planning to say, and you tell me if any part sounds like I’m making excuses or not taking real responsibility.”
💬“AI caught that my ‘I’m sorry you felt that way’ wasn’t actually an apology. Changed it to ‘I’m sorry I did that’ — completely different impact.”
6
Relationships
Assume Good Intent (But Set Boundaries)
Most people aren’t trying to hurt you — they’re just dealing with their own stuff badly. Assuming good intent reduces conflict. But that doesn’t mean tolerating harm.
📝 Written Prompt
“Someone recently did something that bothered me: [describe]. Help me think through this with more generosity. What might their intent have been? What context might I be missing? But also — is this a pattern I need to address? Help me find the balance between assuming good intent and protecting myself.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
When you’re annoyed at someone, say:
“I’m frustrated with someone right now. Before I react, help me consider their perspective. What might be going on for them? But also tell me honestly — is my frustration valid and is this something I need to address?”
💬“This exercise stopped me from sending an angry text I would’ve regretted. The person was going through something I didn’t know about.”
🪞 How You Treat Yourself
7
Self
Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
Notice how you speak to yourself when you make a mistake. Would you talk to a friend that way? Self-compassion isn’t weakness — it’s the foundation for sustainable growth.
📝 Written Prompt
“I’ve been beating myself up about [situation]. Help me reframe how I’m talking to myself. What would I say to a close friend in this situation? Why is it so much harder to extend that same kindness to myself? Help me write a more compassionate self-talk script.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
When you’re being hard on yourself, say:
“I’m being really harsh with myself right now about [situation]. Can you help me see this differently? What would a kind but honest friend say to me?”
💬“Realised my inner critic says things I’d never say to another human. Learning to interrupt those thoughts with ‘would I say this to a friend?'”
8
Self
Keep Promises to Yourself
Every time you say you’ll do something and don’t, you erode self-trust. Being a better person starts with keeping commitments to yourself, not just others.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me rebuild self-trust. I keep making promises to myself and breaking them. Let’s look at my recent commitments: what did I say I’d do, what actually happened, and why? Help me make smaller, more realistic commitments I can actually keep.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
During weekly reflection, say:
“Let’s review my commitments this week — to myself, not just others. What did I say I’d do? What did I actually do? Help me understand the gap and set more realistic intentions for next week.”
💬“Stopped saying ‘I’ll go to the gym every day’ and started with ‘I’ll go once this week.’ Actually went. Self-trust slowly rebuilding.”
Character is what you do when there’s no audience. Return the extra change. Pick up the litter. Keep the commitment even when you could easily back out.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me examine my integrity. Ask me about recent situations where I could have done the right thing but no one would know either way. Be honest with me — where am I cutting corners? Where is my public self different from my private self? What would change if I acted with integrity even when unseen?”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
During evening reflection, say:
“Today, were there moments where I could have done the right thing but didn’t because no one was watching? Help me be honest with myself about where my integrity slipped — and why.”
💬“Uncomfortable exercise. Realised I was taking small shortcuts at work because ‘no one would notice.’ They add up. Character isn’t built in big moments — it’s built in these tiny ones.”
10
Integrity
Admit When You’re Wrong
Defending a wrong position because you’ve already committed to it isn’t strength — it’s ego. The ability to say “I was wrong” and change your mind is a sign of character.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me practice admitting I’m wrong. Think of a position or belief I’ve held strongly. Ask me challenging questions about it. If I can’t defend it well, help me say ‘I was wrong about this’ — and figure out what I now believe instead. Make me face the discomfort of changing my mind.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
When reconsidering a stance, say:
“I’ve been thinking about [topic/argument] and I might be wrong. Play devil’s advocate and challenge my position. I want to practice being open to changing my mind if I can’t defend my view.”
💬“Did this about a workplace disagreement I’d held for months. Turns out my position had holes I’d been ignoring. Said ‘you were right’ to a colleague. Felt weird but good.”
11
Integrity
Speak Well of Others (Even When They’re Not There)
How you talk about people behind their back reveals your character. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it at all. Gossip erodes trust — including self-trust.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me examine how I talk about others when they’re not around. I’ll share some things I’ve said about people recently. For each one, ask me: Would I say this to their face? Is it true, kind, and necessary? What does my gossip reveal about my own insecurities?”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
After catching yourself gossiping, say:
“I just caught myself saying something about someone that I wouldn’t say to their face. Help me understand why I did that. What was I getting out of it? What would it look like to speak about others with more integrity?”
💬“The question ‘What does your gossip reveal about your own insecurities?’ was brutal. Turns out I criticise in others what I’m afraid of in myself.”
12
Growth
Review Your Character Weekly
Character development isn’t a one-time decision — it’s an ongoing practice. A weekly review keeps you honest about who you’re becoming versus who you want to be.
📝 Written Prompt
“Help me do my weekly character review. Ask me: When did I act like the person I want to be this week? When did I fall short? What situation tested my character most? What’s one specific thing I’ll do differently next week? Be direct — don’t let me off easy.”
🎙️ Voice Conversation
Sunday evening, say:
“It’s time for my weekly character check-in. Be my accountability partner. Ask me tough questions about how I treated people this week, where my integrity held up, and where it didn’t. Help me set one intention for next week.”
💬“This has become my Sunday ritual. It’s like confession but without religion — just honest self-examination. The consistency is what makes the difference.”
🚀
Start This Week
1Pick ONE principle from this list that feels most relevant to where you’re struggling right now.
2Do the AI exercise — voice or written. Be radically honest. No one else will see it.
3Identify one specific action you’ll take this week based on what you learned.
4Use prompt #12 at the end of the week to review how it went. Repeat.
This article provides general guidance on personal development and character growth. AI assistants are not therapists or counsellors. If you’re struggling with significant guilt, shame, or moral distress, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional. The research cited links to original sources. Personal growth is individual — what works for one person may not work for another.
❓ Common Questions
Can AI really help with character development?
AI is a tool for structured self-reflection, not a moral authority. It asks questions that help you examine yourself honestly — without the social pressure of another person watching. The value isn’t the AI’s judgment; it’s your own honest answers.
Isn’t “being a better person” subjective?
Partly, yes. But most ethical traditions agree on basics: honesty, kindness, integrity, taking responsibility. The exercises here help you define what “better” means to YOU — not impose someone else’s values.
What if I don’t like what I discover about myself?
That discomfort is the point. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Most people avoid honest self-examination because it’s uncomfortable. But that discomfort is where growth actually happens.
How long does it take to become a “better person”?
Character development is lifelong — there’s no finish line. But you can see meaningful changes in how you show up within weeks of consistent practice. Focus on progress, not perfection.
Nelson Fernandes, founder of Best of Motivation, curates inspiring and actionable content, combining AI-powered research with personal insights to help young professionals thrive. “Success begins with the right mindset—start small, dream big.”
Learn more about Nelson →
