The conversation you’re dreading is an act of respect, not aggression. Avoiding it is less kind than having it. Here’s a framework to prepare, deliver, and follow through.
You know you need to have it. You’ve been putting it off for days — maybe weeks. You’ve rehearsed it in your head a dozen times. Each version sounds worse than the last.
Here’s the truth: the anticipation is almost always worse than the conversation itself. And every day you delay, the problem deepens, your credibility weakens, and the other person senses something is wrong without knowing what.
Difficult conversations aren’t optional in leadership. They’re the job. The 5R Framework gives you a way to prepare for them properly — so you go in with clarity, not anxiety.
Diagnose First. Script Second.
Before you prepare what to say, run the 5R diagnostic on the situation:
Reset Expectations: Were the standards ever clearly communicated?
Recognise: Have I only ever given this person corrective feedback?
Resource: Is something blocking them that I haven’t addressed?
Role Model: Am I demonstrating the standard I’m about to ask for?
If any R has broken down on your side, address that first. The conversation may change entirely once you’ve fixed the system failure. And if it still needs to happen, you’ll go in with a clearer picture — and more credibility.
Four Steps to the Conversation
Opening Lines That Work
What This Looks Like in Practice
I once delayed a conversation for three weeks. Three weeks of building it up in my head. When I finally had it — using the four-step framework — the whole thing lasted twelve minutes. The person wasn’t defensive. They were relieved. They’d sensed something was off and the uncertainty was worse than the feedback.
The lesson: the conversation you’re avoiding is almost always kinder than the silence you’re offering instead.
One Thing to Do Right Now
Put the 5R to Work
The 5R Leadership Toolkit includes difficult conversation prep sheets, scripts, and the one-page framework reference.
Get the 5R Toolkit — £12
